Schmacintosh Studios

PORN: IT'S A LIVING... FOR NOW.

Welcome to the Exxxtacy Porn Convention in Chicago, Illinois. Host to some of porn's most talented performers and distributors. 3 days of wild, uncensored sexuality and depravity all for the low, low price of $40 a day or $60 for the weekend. Fortunately I was being paid to be there.

I have never been to a convention before in my life, especially not a porn convention. It had all of the excitement of an erotically driven circus but had the cheap thrills and tension of a strip club. The crowd was a real mix of fans, followers, perverts and those of whom wish to take part in the festivities on and off camera.

The lovely Charisma managed to roll over a broken light bulb on stage while trying to pin down a naked Sea Jay.

I should probably explain why I am at this convention before I seem like a total creep. It all started back in May of 2010 where I was recently out of school and desperately searching for some means of income to keep me afloat in Toronto. My desperation led me to Craigslist for the first time to find employment. I responded to a few of the jobs that seemed interesting and waited for a response. Then I came across a job advertising that a production company is shooting a pilot for a show about a PA working for a porn producer and they are looking for entrees for the position.

left to right: Charisma Something, Sarah Jay aka Big Tits Magee, Porno Dan, Heather, Jessi (18) and Sea Jay.

I had nothing to lose so I responded to the ad and three days later they gave me a call asking if I could come in for an interview. So a few days later I show up at a casting office where I was interviewed by the director and a few producers of the show. They asked me a few questions and told me a little about the show. It was a fun interview and it went fairly well. I left the office thinking a lot of about the job and if I got it, but after a day or two I kind of just put it aside not thinking I would ever land a job like that. But two weeks later, right before G20, they ask me in for a second interview to gather more about my personality and again the interview went very smooth. An hour later I had the job and I would be flying to Chicago in a month to meet Dan and work at a Porn convention with him to promote his "Fuck A Fan" videos. Who would have thought that a random craigslist ad would lead me to be the main subject to a show being pitched to HBO about working as an assistant for a train wreck porn producer. But just to clarify, I am NOT a performer.

An appropriate reaction to an awesome room.

We flew into Chicago on Friday the 16th and went straight to the hotel to unpack and begin shooting. The hotel was massive with a lobby that opens up to the 10th floor with giant sky windows. There was a 4 star restaurant, a bar, a coffee shop and a maze of various suites, lounges and rooms. The convention centre hosting the Exxxtacy is attached to our hotel by a series of extremely long and humid hallways. By the time you made it to the convention you were covered in sweat and this was the main entrance for most of the talent.

Our first arrival at the convention was greeted by a sex toy demonstration for the "Magic Wand", which will come into play a lot on this trip, and how it works. It was the opening of the convention so the crowds were not as thick but by Saturday and Sunday it was hard to get around anywhere, especially near our booth. The first booth I went to see was a woman weighing around 300 pounds and dubbed herself the queen of face sitting. She offered to sit on my face and even promised not to break my neck but I felt that an experience like that might haunt my dreams forever. Soon after that we walked over to a bondage booth where we watched a woman get her ass lit on fire while a fat man was tied up and whipped. I talked them afterwards and let them set my arm on fire, which resulted in hair loss. Right after that a few girls selling bikini line razors decided to shave my chin. I lost a lot of hair in 10 minutes. I met Dan and was immediately put to work with one of his best girls, Jessi. It was our job to walk around and find contestants for, Dan's most famous promotion, "Fuck A Fan". The name is pretty self explanatory but for those not picking up on it the promotion is fan's signing up to fuck a porn star. Surprisingly a lot of the people we asked were very hesitant but once we narrowed down a specific demographic of men it was easy to sign them up. I even went up and asked Ron Jeremy, as a joke, if he was a big fan and wants to have sex with one of these young, beautiful starlets. Ron was not very responsive and didn't have much kick left in him. In fact I caught him sleeping throughout the weekend in different places around the convention.

Ron Jeremy, The Lost Super Mario Brother

This man is selling a dick pumping machine he built himself. Its good he has hobbies.

On the second day, after hours and hours of shooting Fuck A Fan, I managed to get down to the convention by myself with the camera and managed to get some provocative and dazzling photos of a bondage show. All weekend this stage has been the main event for all kinds of pain and pleasure. Balloon fetishes, Sibiens, Nipple torture and a series of ropes tied to many different places. All of this was hosted by 3 girls all day long. It was a bit mind blowing when you truly get the sense that these girls are just getting orgasms all day and getting paid for it.

Dan's girls that he works with regularly were quite the colorful bunch. Over the weekend I got to get to know a lot of the girls and a lot of Dan's crew members. In doing so it gave me a very different outlook on the porn industry and the people involved. When people think of porn stars and their producers they often associate a decrepit and questionable lifestyle filled with drugs, violence and exploitation. After spending three days with all of these people I got realize they really are just "people". They have all chosen this career by choice and have fun doing it.

Two guys arm wrestling to see who will be the lucky one to fuck one of the porn stars.

There is definitely bad days on the job, deceit and hard decisions to make with your life but that is with any career you choose. Jessi, one of Dan's newest girls, is 18 years old. I spoke with her frequently on set and around the convention and she tells me she is very money driven. She knows exactly what she got into and she performs like a professional even though her very first scene was shot only 2 weeks after her 18th birthday. Heather, another new feature to Dan's roster, is a very strong minded girl and she is only 20. She has her career and her future planned out and is hoping to fulfill it all so that she can eventually train to be a nurse. She is young and rebellious but she knows not to be pushed around in the business and to keep a strong footing with what she will and will not do. But I did get to meet a prime example of a dying star in the final year of her career. Amy, one of Dan's best girls, has really climbed the ladder to success but is steadily falling to rock bottom. Her voice was hoarse, eyes blood shot and her grasp on the real world has slipped. It could all be read in her face. She really didn't like me because I had to wake her up in her room at 9am to shoot but she was far too messed up and pissed off to shoot anything. She threw two vibrators at me.

It was a weekend to remember for sure and the fact it was so surreal compared to my real life it is still hard to process. I left Chicago newly educated on the world of porn and I don't think I can look at it quite the same again. Dan is an absolute maniac but an incredibly nice and intelligent guy. It is a bit bizarre when I think that I work for the same guy I saw perform in his own movies, cause a variety of scenes at the bar and speaks so filthy even some of his girls were shocked. But I can proudly call him boss and work with only minimal complaints.